shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize