She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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