just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
