Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
