I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
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It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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