I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
