i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
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