We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
She's just so happy...and so naked.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
