Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
