i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
