ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
