do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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