Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
