We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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