Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
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