I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
