I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors