i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I have fence marks all over my body
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
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