i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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