You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize