We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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