Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
