Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
this is an emotional support booty call
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize