You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
