I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
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watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
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