your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
She even gives head with a lisp.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
