My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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