aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
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