i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
