it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
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