I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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