So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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