took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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