textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I just found puke in my bra..
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
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