She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
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