So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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