There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
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