Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Why are your pants in the freezer?
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
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