she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Randomize