while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Randomize
