At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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