Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
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