I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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