so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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