I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Randomize
