gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Randomize
