After last night, I could never be a politician.
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
