And the cops told us we were all naked.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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