he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
