Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Randomize
