Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Randomize
