Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize