He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
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