If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
