He kissed a someone with a penis
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
