Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
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