a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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