I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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